Sunday, October 13, 2013

Remember Me

Chapter 1


Breathe. Just breathe. You can do this. Mom parks in front of the entrance of Burger King; the Burger King we had all agreed to meet at. Oh, the excitement to finally meet him. It’s been 2 weeks since mom told me that he had agreed to be my chamberlain- my dance partner for my surprise dance in my quinceaƱera. Apparently, when we were little we had play dates at the park. That was so long ago. I can’t even remember. I peer in through the window to see if I could see or at least figure out who he was, but I only saw a kid that looked like he was 12 or 13, dark skinned with short hair. As I get out of the car, Junior and Caleb zipping right past me, I look to my right at my sister who looks at me and raises her eyebrows that ask me if I’m ready. I nod and walk in first.
            The place is pretty much empty. Only a small family sitting by the window, and a random guy in the very back. I figured that the family was who we were meeting because as soon as mom walked in, the short lady- Lupe- stood up and greeted her with a hug and a kiss on both cheeks. The 12 year old turned out to be her son as she pointed him out- Alex- and across from him was a guy, sixteen, maybe seventeen years-old, with spiked up hair, a red shirt  and cuffed dark jeans- Miguel. I honestly wasn't expected him to look like such a “gangster” or “thug”.
            “Anna! He looks like Pauly D”, I tell my sister.
            “I know! I was just about to tell you the same thing”, she laughed.
            We start walking towards them when I hear my mom introducing me as “the girl who just HAD to meet Miguel”, having all three of them turn to me. I politely reached out my hand to shake theirs when I hear someone scream their head off. I turn to mom and with one look we run towards the play area. There we find my little brother on the floor bleeding from a scrape he got from the slide. I kneel down next to him and try to calm him down, telling him that it’s just blood and it’ll heal soon, bribing him with a kid’s meal if he can get up and come with me to the bathroom to rinse it off. He gets up and begins to walk towards the door passing our mom, Alex, and Lupe. I wait for Anna to pass to go through, but as soon as I went through the doorway Miguel bumps into me.
            “Oh sorry”, I shyly say.
            “It’s all good. Was that your brother?”, he gestures towards Junior who is now waiting for me at the bathroom door, tears still streaming down his face. I nod, squeezing through the doorway, “Yeah, speaking of my brother, I have to help him out real quick. I’ll be back in a few”.
            “Alright”, he says, still looking at me as he walks backwards, hitting the chairs behind him. I try not to giggle, but as soon as I walk into the bathroom with Junior I crack up. I turn on the faucet and begin to rinse off the blood from his elbow. I dry him off and go to the cash register to order his kids meal and to ask for a band aid. After 5 minutes we receive his meal and sit a table away from where my mom, my sister, and Lupe were. I scan the room to find where Miguel and Alex were, but I couldn't see them.
My mom calls us over to sit at their table. There was only one empty chair so I let Junior have it and I just pulled up another one next to him.
“So Jacqueline, your mom tells me that you want Miguel to be your chamberlain for your fifteen”, Lupe says turning to me.
“Yes”, I nod, “I have been looking for one for over a month now and when my mom mentioned Miguel”, I say turning to my mom who was staring outside at the rain fall silently on the floor, “ I just went with it.”
Lupe turns to my mom and says, “So what made you think of my Miguelito?”
My mom began out saying that she had always been thinking of a time to get together and blah, blah, blah. I zoned out, now my turn to stare outside the window at the rain that gradually intensed since I last noticed my mom staring at it.
            Back when I was in 4th grade, there was this huge storm on the way to the area where our house was at. My mom told me to stay in her room with Caleb, who was a year old at that time, and Anna, who was five. She told us that our dad was on his way home from work so he’d be home in a few minutes as she went out through the garage to her car, that slowly disappeared in the rain as it backed up and zoomed away. I stood there in the garage just watching the rain pour down onto the pavement that stood still without fear. A slash of lightning startled me followed by a clash of thunder. I heard my brother cry and I ran back inside. I held him on my mom’s bed with Anna hugging my arm next to me. All three of us terrified at the sound of rain attacking our house. We all closed our eyes and I began to pray. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I prayed that mom would get to work safely and that dad got home safely and- “Hello”, a voice interrupts, “NiƱos?” It was dad! I look down at Caleb, who fell asleep in my arms, and to my right at Anna, who was laying on her back fast asleep. I put Caleb in his crib and go meet my dad. “Where is everybody”, he asked. “Asleep.” We walk to the garage and just stare out at the sight of the slanted rain pour and pour and pour...
            “Jacqueline!” I look to my right to my mom, “I asked you a question.” I stare at her blankly. “When do you want to start practicing your dance”, she sighs.
            “Oh! Umm, well I don’t know. Do you really want to be my chamberlain”, I ask Miguel, who throughout my whole gazing out of the window time he magically appeared next to his mom staring at me.
            “Yeah, sure”, he says smiling at me.
            “REALLY? Cool! I mean, okay then how about next Monday?”
            Lupe and my mom exchange looks and Lupe nods, “Alright Monday then”.
            Once my mom and Lupe got each other on the same page, arranging the time and the place to practice, we all get up and said goodbye. I ran outside with my brothers in the rain that slowed down to a sprinkle, waiting for my mom to open the door of the van. I wave bye to Miguel and Alex who were standing at the door waiting for Lupe.
            As me and the boys hop into the van and buckle up, mom gets in laughing at something Lupe yelled out. “What”, I asked her.
            “Oh, nothing. So what did you think of Miguel? He’s very handsome isn't he”, she teased.
            “Oh my gosh, mom!”
            “Oh come on! He really is handsome!”
            “And his friend isn't that bad either”, Anna butted in.
            Mom and I both stare at her and then burst out laughing as she backs out of the parking lot and onto the road to go home.

2 comments:

  1. This is a sweet reflection. The dialogue adds a lot to your voice, and it moves the story forward.

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  2. Bless- I love this! It shows the beginnings of new relationships, and shows off your dialogue skills.
    Press- Well now you are obviously going to have to share the rest of this story, because I love closure :)
    Address- I didn't really see any grammar or punctuation issues. The only thing I can think of would be to maybe use higher level diction or use more figurative language to take it to another level.

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